Most of us were raised by parents who chose to raise us very differently than their parents raised them.
For the most part, this is a good thing. Thank God, right?
I remember my dad telling me about how much of a tyrant my grandfather was, and I remember my mom joking about my dad’s disciplinary “style” when my brother “misbehaved”.
“Stephen, I’m so mad. Give me your hand,” and he proceeded to pat his hand gently. I was ALMOST on the receiving end of this when I used to eat my grandfather’s upholstery in his very nice Cadillac…
He lined us up outside the mint green behemoth of a car and basically interrogated my older brother, my younger sister, and myself. EVERYONE knew who did it, but my siblings didn’t rat me out. I cannot tell you if this was a good thing or not.
I can remember, viscerally, the heaviness of that moment.
My mom wasn’t a typical “Tiger Mom,” but she was close. She never hit, but she’d pinch the back of our arms in public. If we ever dishonored her or the family, it was the “silent treatment”, sometimes for weeks and months. That was one of the hardest things to experience, because there was a significant level of dishonor, but virtually, none of it was communicated directly.
My dad is, pathologically, a pacifist. He’s the eternal “good cop”, despite having strong opinions about many topics he never speaks up about.
All this to say, the words “DISCIPLINE” and “RESPONSIBILITY” are often viewed with a negative connotation to younger generations.
When I was younger, I think I felt that way. However, once I turned 17 years old, I had essentially been immersed in both discipline AND responsibility as a Westpoint grad and combat veteran; it generally comes more naturally for me at this point.
I would never say that it feels completely natural.
The reason I feel that way is because there is so much inertia in society today.
There’s so much societal pull towards comfort, ease, and convenience. I would go as far as to say that one of the reasons why we have the state of healthcare (and the world) that we do is because we have an entire healthcare system that is based on comfort and the convenience of a drug, shot, or even surgery.
There is this underlying supposition that “patients don’t want to change anyway”, and I would argue that, for the most part, that may be true because it’s so hard to change.
What a defeated way to view humanity?
I’ve seen virtually the opposite.
I have seen that nearly every patient that comes to see us knows they NEED to change; but they have been offered a system that only offers them the LIE of the “quick fix”. They know they NEED to change but their doctor begins and ends with the belief that not only will they not, but only offer options that rob patients of their commitment to change their lifestyle.
Take almost every industry in the world; it requires a ridiculous amount of discipline and responsibility to free yourself from that industry.
Healthcare
Tech and Social media
AutoShip Amazon
Uber eats and DoorDash
Even education
As we move into this next season of the year, we invite you to take on this powerful belief: discipline equals freedom. And the following corollary beliefs:
- HARD – EASY: most of us believe the goal is to strive for comfort, ease, and convenience first, but we don’t realize that we often obligate ourselves to a harder life when we get too comfortable. We all know that there are things we have procrastinated on – largely because they are too difficult at first. When in reality, it is really important to do the hard work up-front so that you can earn the ease and comfort that follows from your initial effort.
- Fact vs. Feeling: We went from a society that never cared about feelings to a society that ONLY cares about feelings. There is strength in vulnerability, but when we only fixate on our feelings and ignore the facts, we never get to true personal responsibility. In the work that we do, if we only cared about how people “felt”, we wouldn’t be much better than conventional medicine. Feelings are, at best, a reactive part of the whole picture. Focusing on facts, taking ownership, and elevating your feelings to the key ones that actually empower you, is everything.
- The Doorman Principle: Just how a bouncer in a club determines who gets in and who stays out, we are the single most important determinant in how we prioritize our life; how we budget our time, money, and energy; who we let into our lives; what thoughts and feelings we allow ourselves to focus on. When your doorman is robust, you safeguard your values, and your life in ways far greater than anyone could do FOR you.
I cannot stress the importance of building grit and resiliency through discipline and personal responsibility. It is the foundation to virtually any healing that you could ever do physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.
It’s important to fight for your mind, especially. Fill in your psyche. A belief in yourself and your purpose is far greater than you could ever think, because of the forces that are out there profiting to do the exact opposite.
If you have old relationships, especially with your parents, or other generations, that need healing, you have to do the work within first.
We are going to be doing the same right alongside you.
Love and appreciate you all ❤️
S